Envy comes easily

You don't see the illness in my house. It comes and goes. It roars in like a train sometimes, but most often it sneaks through the cracks in the foundation. Depression, faithlessness, and an inability to accept the joyous life put before us. 

Oh, to be brave, to be faithful and joyful. To be beloved for those qualities. To find a way to do all of it and with a smile. I cannot be like you and so I hurt in my heart. Because we all strive to be like you. Humble and kind, funny and clever, true and courageous. 

And all I am is broken-hearted and regretful.